‘Twas the night before Christmas, and through the White House,

Not a creature was stirring, no Obama mouse.

A steel plate was mounted, blocking the hearth.

There be no Christmas spirit, here in their hearts.

The children were nestled, all smug in their beds.

While Utopian visions clouded their heads,

And Michelle in her boob belt, had set a trap.

If Saint Nick dare land here, he’d never come back,

When on the south lawn, there arose such a clatter,

The trap had been sprung! Now Christmas was over!

Yippie Kai Yea! She screamed with such laughter.

If the fat man’s not dead, then I’ll be his master!

I went to my window and threw open the sash,

In time to see delivered, the very first lash.

Swear to me Kringle, you’ll give no more candy,

And sing no more carols that we did not hand ye.

No toys shall be given without gubment approval,

They’ll be from China, Taiwan and communal.

We shan’t put up with your cheeriness either,

Now kneel down to grovel and beg for your life, sir.

I cannot do such things that you say,

You might as well bury me with reindeer and sleigh.

My life is to give for the children, you see,

Not bend to the will of your bureaucracy.

For even if, I could do as you say,

I would never, never, ever have it that way.

You seek to manage each little decision,

Why not leave such things to the singular person?

The living of life is the freedom of choice,

It’s what God intended, as we each have a voice.

To dictate to people what you’d have them do

Just kills innovation and charity too.

I’m begging ye ma’am, for the common folk,

Not for myself, you must turn loose this yolk.

If’n ye did, you’d be so much happier,

You might even enjoy to listen on laughter.

For you and Obama are God’s chosen ones

It is not chance you sit on those thrones.

Perhaps it’s to teach you a little humility,

And to govern much less, and lead with civility.

How dare ye Chris Kringle speak such to me!

As I’ve caught you myself and will not set you free!

My bidding you’ll do and there’ll be no debate,

Or buried you’ll be with those reindeer I hate.

What’ll it be mister fat man of flight?

Will you consent to slav’ry tonight?

Nay. Nay my dame. My answer is naught.

My life is all servitude, but never at cost.

Away to the dungeon! She commanded her minions,

He and his sleigh and reindeer and elflings!

I’ll see you in time, my fat man of frolic.

You think on these things as your deer get the colic.

She retired to the state house as they took Santa away,

With a wry backward glance at the fat man in chains.

The next morning she woke from a frightful dream.

Saint Nick had broke free and was not to be seen.

She ran to the dungeon, where they’d taken the bastard,

Only to find that the cell had been shattered!

With the light of the morning almost coming through,

Outside she ran to see what to do.

Off in the distance, the sleigh bells were ringing,

With a Ho Ho Ho Ho, she could just hear him singing.

One can’t imprison Christmas, she’d learned the hard way,

Much like our Messiah, who just will not stay.

The spirit of Christmas won’t remain in a cell,

It lives in our hearts, and our souls as well.

It’s the spirit of giving as the Christ gave His life.

That He died for our sins was His sacrifice.

The sleigh bells waned and Michelle retired,

As Santa flew home and the morning grew brighter,

Singing his carol and reminding us all

To listen with our hearts, to heed the call,

To live like the Savior, and love one another,

Every mother and father, and sister and brother.


UPDATE: Linked by the missing link! Thanks Lance!

  • No Sheeples Here December 23, 2010 at 5:15 am

    Were Clement C. Moore alive today I’m certain he would tip his hat to “The Man of Tin” for this clever Christmas tale.

    • robot December 23, 2010 at 9:12 am

      Thanks Carol. If only that were true. You’re very nice for saying so, though.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Satana, Matt Ross. Matt Ross said: Let Them Eat Christmas http://ff.im/-vHMWH […]

  • Stan Butler December 23, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Good poem…they are the most Godless couple to ever disgrace the White House.

    I came over from Gorges blog and have signed up as a follower on your follow wedgit.
    Hope you’ll look my blog over and do the same.

    • robot December 23, 2010 at 9:21 am

      Thanks Stan. Thanks for stopping by. I followed your blog too.

  • Supi December 23, 2010 at 8:45 am

    Very well done. Merry Christmas to you.

    • robot December 23, 2010 at 9:21 am

      Thank you Supi. Merry Christmas to you as well. God bless!

  • Woodsterman December 23, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I enjoyed … now you enjoy a Merry Christmas !

  • HTLIT December 23, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Nice Cuzbot! Ya’ll have a very Merry Christmas! Tell all hello from the “other” family!

    • robot December 23, 2010 at 11:00 am

      Thank you sir! Merry Christmas to you too. And I will tell them. Return the favor for me. Ho ho ho!

  • […] “…And Michelle in her boob belt, had set a trap. If Saint Nick dare land here, he’d never come back!” […]

  • Obi's Sister December 23, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    Triple thumbs up!

    • robot December 24, 2010 at 8:08 am

      Merry Christmas, Princess!

  • Maggie@MaggiesNotebook December 23, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    Robot, you’ve fashioned one for all times. It should be a Christmas classic and serve as a warning of the Time of Obama long after he (and she) is gone. You certainly have a talent for poetry and short stories. Merry, Merry Christmas to you and yours.

    • robot December 24, 2010 at 8:09 am

      Maggie, you say the nicest things. Merry Christmas to you and yours as well!

  • John Carey December 24, 2010 at 12:23 am

    Robot you and I are in sync…I did a very similar thing at our new site. Very good poem my friend. I wanted to let you know that we will no longer be posting at THE CURRENT so you can remove the site from your blogroll. Our new site is SENTRY JOURNAL. We would greatly appreciate it if you add us back on your blogroll in place of THE CURRENT. Merry Christmas!

  • Angel December 24, 2010 at 11:11 am

    hey MNR~! Happy HO HO HO!

  • […] MNR: Eat this hippy! […]

  • RandyG December 24, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Late as usual, but wanted to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and joyous holiday season MNR!

  • steve December 24, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Most creative Mr. Robot.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Steve December 24, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Thank you for posting! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

    Common Cents

  • A Robo-Love Christmas December 24, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    […] US Timeline « Let Them Eat Christmas […]

  • […] Mind Numbed Robot: Let Them Eat Christmas […]

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