Due to the constant deflection, disinformation and outright opacity of the Obama administration concerning the events on Sept. 11, 2012 in Benghazi, Libya, The Robotic News Service™ has spared no expense employing a multitude of crack-head reporters to uncover the truths about that night and the circumstances surrounding the horrendous attack on the American consulate. The RNS™ newshounds left no rock unburned, sifting through the facts and fallacies of this story for as many as ten minutes to bring you the following unmitigated amalgamation of previously undisclosed information pertaining to the Benghazi conflagration.

The Real Story of Benghazi

Unbeknownst to Ambassador Chris Stevens, Navy SEAL commandos Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty or computer expert Sean Smith, who lost their lives defending those clandestine US interests, the Benghazi “consulate” was actually a front for an ultra secret Libyan love nest, a Bedouin Brothel, if you will, dealing sex for Stingers or in some cases, sodomy for shoulder-fired missiles. (You can make up your own punch line for that last one.) The code name for the covert operation, according to anonymous imaginary sources was “Humping for Hamas.”

These same sources also claim Generals Petraeus and Adams were frequent “visitors” to the facility, conducting numerous hands-on “inspections” and “performance reviews.” Other sources claim the unmanned drone in the air during the attack was secretly filming these “visits” and the CIA had planned to use the resulting Sex Tapes to blackmail the generals or, depending on circumstances, to promote their forthcoming Secret Service Porn Channel, tentatively called “The De-Briefing Room.” ~ Hey, I didn’t name these things. It’s the government running a whore house here, remember?
Titles of some planned feature length fornication films include:

Secret Servicings

Lusty Libyan Lesbians

Busty Beauties of Benghazi – Lascivious Libyans and their High Ranking, Randy Boy Toys

The Big Libido-ski – Tag line: “Is that a rocket launcher in your pocket? Or are you just glad to see me?”

Bodacious Burqa Babes

Al Qaida Concubines in Corsets

Blonde Suicide Bombshells

and

MANPAD Masochists

Given that General Petraeus pre-screened the home movies testified behind closed doors this week, I think we can safely assume the release of at least one of the new films is near. Perhaps launching the pron career of Jill Kelly will succeed in further distracting the American ADHD public from the contemptuous, treasonous actions of our Complainer in Chief and his merry band of miscreants.

I, for one, am hoping for the opposite effect.